ADOLESCENTS & FRIENDSHIPS

In many ways, the adolescent experience can be characterized by the quality of friendships. As adolescents form their own identity and "separate” from their families, which they are developmentally required to do, their friends become their whole universe. It is a realm in which the Voice of Small (negative self-talk) is particularly loud, and the connection to character is fragile.

The intensity of a friendship and the pressure to “belong” to a group of friends can lead to immense inner turmoil for adolescents. This intensity can be hard for adults to understand, especially when it seems obvious that the friendship is doing them no favors.

“That friend is not good for you” and “Just be yourself!” are not useful exclamations to a developing mind. If anything, given the developmental job of pushing boundaries and forming their own identity, it can have the reverse effect of pushing an adolescent further into an unhealthy friendship dynamic.

And yet, how often do your students come to you in utter devastation over the latest “friendship drama” that you saw coming from a mile away?! Constantly. I say this with certainty as we have a Friendships program, created at the request of school staff who use Live Big.

In the Big Friendships program, success looks like a realization that it’s okay to let a friendship go, the construction of boundaries, and a deeper connection to character. Not easy work!

Most importantly, we have to help our students see that even though it feels like their current peer group is everything, the most important friend that they will ever have is themselves. 

If I’m honest, these are skills I’m still learning for myself. How lucky your students are to have you guiding them to learn it now.

In community,

Lex